A Few Funny War Stories!!

Through my years of reading history books, there were several war stories that I found to be particularly amusing — one that would bring the light to an otherwise dark event.

STORY NUMBER ONE — THE TURKISH SUBMARINE

There was a story related to the Battle of Gallipoli, which involved a British ship being approached by a Turkish submarine — or a U-Boat, if you prefer to call it that — resulting in the latter giving the British five minutes to get off.

One British soldier asked for an extension for ten minutes, and this was unreservedly accepted by the Turkish commander.

When the ten minutes were up, and the British were waiting in their lifeboats, the Turks fired a torpedo, but nothing happened.

They fired again and again until they used all their ammunition.

What the relatively inexperienced submarine crew failed to realize, was that they had gotten so close to the ship, that when the torpedoes were fired, they would go right under the ship’s hull, and only surface once they had already gone by — leaving the ship unscathed.

Ultimately, the Turkish crew went out empty-handed, and they were soon forced to flee in embarrassment when allied ships began arriving on the scene… the people in the lifeboats must have been quite puzzled at this unexpected outcome.

STORY NUMBER TWO — TORTOISES

This story also took place at Gallipoli, and it involved Entente and Turkish troops capturing tortoises with taunting messages and then forcing them to walk towards the enemy line.

In turn, the enemy would write a new message and force the tortoise to walk back to the other side.

And it would continue…

STORY NUMBER THREE — THE ANGRY MEDIC

In Antony Beevor’s book about Operation Market Garden called Battle of Arnhem: The Deadliest Airborne Operation of World War II, one story involved a young German soldier who was literally captured with his pants down because he had been having an affair with his Dutch girlfriend in the field at the time of the British landing.

Another story involved a soldier who continued to have a chicken dinner with a Dutch family during a firefight, only to be ordered out at once by his commander… he made sure to take his leftovers with him.

Nonetheless, the most absurdly entertaining story in the book was about a medic who was treating wounded soldiers at a military hospital near Oosterbeek, when a German panzer tank suddenly came into view from the nearby forest and began opening fire on the building.

Outraged, the medic literally stormed out of the front entrance towards the tank and began shooting venom through his mouth at the crew while pointing the Red Cross sign on the building.

He then stomped back to the hospital.

The tank slowly rolled its way back into the forest as though nothing happened.

STORY NUMBER FOUR — UNPREPARED ARMY

In Max Hasting’s book, The Korean War, a section comes up regarding an American officer overlooking an explosives dump at a nearby school, who is criticizing the lack of equipment and training his men had received to a news reporter during the early days of North Korea’s invasion.

Suddenly, an explosive goes off just as he finished making these remarks — causing some of his men to be injured — and the American officer more or less exclaimed, “Do you see what I mean?”

STORY NUMBER FIVE — BELATED PIZZA DELIVERY

During the early days of the war in Kuwait, the only food that was available was fast food — which was somehow able to establish itself faster than the military.

Since one had to choose a fast-food franchise, a Canadian tank crew that was served in those first stages of the Gulf War ordered a Domino’s Pizza.

They waited… And they waited… Time was running out before their scheduled military offensive.

Suffice to say, the pizza delivery man never showed up, prompting the tank commander to call the Domino’s Pizza in person and curse them out for causing them to fight on an empty stomach, when they could have been blowing things up with one hand while holding a slice in another.

CONCLUSION

There you have it.

Five funny stories that are certain to have you all laughing until the next time you decide to watch All Quiet on the Western Front… which also has its highlights.